The Hero’s Life is an
unceasing struggle for supremacy over his peers.
WarriorMale
[sweating bullets] w…w-warriormale…. [gulps and looks at my clipboard] i hate to tell you this but th-that’s not wrestling, that’s overwatch fan art of two characters having sex sir [quaking in my fatigues]
Actually its called “taking a Man’s back.”
Very common fight position in wrestling and Brazilian jiujitsu.
I thought this was a joke but it’s not and I wish it were
Hell world
Whoops I appear to have left my extremely powerful rare earth magnet on top of Amazon alexa
Fear is knowing a new Alexa product is being developed.
Terror is knowing that it’s for landlords to control their units remotely, while being to see and hear everything in the rented space.
Horror is understanding that if a family is a few days late for rent/electricity/gas, this product will most likely cut off the services they may need to survive like WiFi access, stove/oven/microwave/fridge appliances having power, lights, medical devices that require electricity to function, etc.
deep horror is knowing that these devices will probably be set to unlock doors remotely allowing cops and abusers into the homes of marginalized people, these devices will probably have sensors to check how many people live in the home vs on the lease, probably will have some way or reporting that the residents are “breaking the lease” ie: loud music, having overnight guests, parties, or just people doing normal human shit and having it seen as a “violation”
Hope is knowing these things have the network security equivalent of a sign that says “please do not hack me” over an open door.
If your landlord ever tries to force you to use Alexa, and you have little to no technical or programming expertise, it’s time to make your very own Faraday cage.
“What is a Faraday cage?” you might ask. “How will it help me defeat Big Sister Alexa?”
Easy answer: a Faraday cage blocks EM waves. WiFi, the thing Alexa needs to do anything of use at all? That’s a type of EM wave.
I know, I know, “Faraday cage” sounds like it’ll take 47727372 hours with a welder, right? Wrong!
A simple Faraday cage that anyone can make is as easy as a cardboard box with as many layers of heavy-duty aluminum foil as you can stand to coat the box with. I usually do about 5 layers because that number is easy to remember, but if you’re paranoid or simply need more layers you are more than welcome to add as many layers as necessary to keep Alexa at bay. I think the average is about 4-6 layers.
Hilariously, I actually learned this technique from those crazy prepper types. Which, ironically, is why I know it works. (Not to mention I tested it myself by wrapping my phone in foil and seeing if my roommate could call or message me.)
If your landlord notices, they will not receive any warning or notification that you tampered with Alexa- because you didn’t. All they will notice is that they can’t communicate with that particular Alexa device (because it will be “offline”, aka not sending or receiving signals).
A box is also easily hideable in case of surprise visits from the landlord or anyone else who might report you to your landlord, accidentally or on purpose. Just pop the bitch out, restart it (or don’t, this just clears any other hitches from the system) and it should behave normally.
Additionally, most landlords have the general tech expertise of an orangutan with a headset, so technical hitches are relatively easy to handwave with a good ol’ “Fire is scary and Edison and Tesla were witches”. Basically, if they question you about why Alexa suddenly is or isn’t working, shrug and say that it must have suddenly either just gone out or come back (depending on the situation), but that you didn’t do anything to it because you don’t know anything about that sort of tech and that you didn’t want to mess with it out of fear you would break it.
Note: Remember, Big Sister is always listening! If you wish to put the bitch in a Faraday cage, remember not to discuss it where Big Sister can hear you!
